Boy-Child Empowerment. But How?

Just Maybe, It’s an African Problem

So you want to empower the boy-child?

Great! Brace yourself for the pothole-y ride.

I would have shunned the whole thing, I’m a girl after all. But boy is this problem real and more visible than the sky! And as if that’s not enough it’s predominantly an African problem requiring an African solution.

I can almost smell the rigidity in the audience already.

This being the case I’m a little more than concerned. How has the rest of the world ensured the balance in the empowerment of both boys and girls?

Let me know how your continent is handling it.

Meanwhile…

Had You Noticed?

“How come nobody questions little girls for watching cartoons where the hero is a boy?”

My daughter posted this question this morning over breakfast. She pointed out that most young boys are mocked by their peers, and elders, for watching ‘princess-y’ cartoons.

Things kids come up with when you least expect.

But I wasn’t about to ignore the red flag because in my opinion it’s the beginning of the African boy-child empowerment problem. And coming from a girl who has witnessed this first-hand, I would be stupid to take her sentiments lightly.

Here is my experience.

A fair number of African girls are from a tender age exposed to both the male and female duties and heroes. They glean from Barbie, Sophia the First and Powerpuff Girls in the same measure as Phineas and Ferb, Ben 10 and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Some adults don’t see anything wrong with this. That’s because there isn’t. And so girls develop a balanced understanding that they can be heroes just as boys can.

They don’t have to wait for an incarnate of Shaka Zulu to save them. Or provide for them.

Isn’t it surprising though that the same adults, right here in Africa, mock boys for watching girl-power cartoons?

They brand such cartoons as ‘too girly’ for a boy. Because somehow he is supposed to grow into a man. A provider. And a protector. And there’s no place for girliness in ‘the man’!

So this boy grows up thinking only boys can be heroes. And girls, well, girls just do their thing. And that thing is none of boys’ business.

The Insult

You will hear the African horns calling, “What a man can do, a woman can do better.”

If this isn’t an insult to the African boy-child, I don’t know what is.

But no, we rub it in deeper by encouraging girls to pursue careers originally left for the boys. The Sciences, Technology, Engineering and Math. We persuade, more like push, them into leadership positions as they grow. Then we drum entrepreneurship songs wooing them to dance to the rhythms daily.

And when the African girls rise to the roles defined for the boy-child, the provider-protector roles, we mourn.

“Oh, the boy-child has been left behind.”

Not that I have any problem with girls scooping these roles and still excelling in those originally curved for them. It’s the dirges I have a problem with.

Didn’t we create the imbalance with our own hands?

Didn’t we breathe life into its nostrils and nurse it on our bosoms?

Come on Africa!

We affirm to our girls that they can do and be anything they desire. They can nurture communities, create corporations and become protectors. But hold back this gospel from our boys.

Why then stand back and cry foul when the boys lag behind?

Whose boy is it anyway and who did we expect to nurture him?

Some foreigner?

Peeling Back the Mask

So where do we go from here? How do we empower Africa’s sons and create the much needed balance in the lives and in the continent?

Hint: Challenge them in their childhood, as young adult and then some more in their adulthood. Just like we did with the girls.

Here is how.

First: Provide equal education

Remember the equality songs we sang when we wanted equal opportunities for girls at school?

Boys aren’t allergic to equality either.

Back to the cartoons scenario. Instead of rebuking the little boy for watching Barbie in a Mermaid’s Tale, have him watch it and then some. Allow him to watch cartoons featuring boys and girls heroes. And then share what he learnt with you.

There’s no place in learning for vain cartoon time.

Second: Engage boys in duties normally defined for girls.

Some Africans will go blue on their faces before they can see the dawn of this point.

But the idea here is to provide a safe environment for boys to experience the other side of life, the girl side, and grow into it. Not just learning.

Picture this. (Rather graphical but true.)

Girls in some African households slaughter chicken. They literally chop off the head of the fowl and dissect it as if in the Biology lab! But isn’t slaughtering animals, and birds, a duty left for men in most African communities?

That doesn’t make her less of a girl, does it?

Yet there are families where sons of Africa wouldn’t be caught dead cleaning after themselves. It’s a bad omen. But washing dishes and scrubbing bathrooms in hotels is where the draw the line.

So their sisters, and maids, do all the house chores. While these brothers play video games or chill with the boys.

A word to the African boy-child, empowerment is work. The kind of work that isn’t a respecter of persons. Deal with it!

Third: Challenge boys to play different games.

Whoever created basketball, football and dirt-bike riding for girls must have missed the memo. I hope that’s not the same fellow who enticed women into bodybuilding and wrestling. In Africa!

Sounds like someone is out to wipe out the last strands of masculinity in men!

I say this because these games have in the past been used to define masculinity. But the fellow forgot to warn girls to stay in their lane.

Maybe there should be a rule prohibiting female footballers from wearing the cute short black, open-back dresses on a dinner date with their boyfriends.

Speaking of dates and games. Who died and made dates all about 5-course meals in fancy restaurants?

Son of Africa, I challenge you to play the game differently this time. Choose a beautiful spot in the wild and take her on a paint-what-you-see date. Or pack some hot chocolate in a flask and have a picnic at the spot. Then play UNO through the sunset!

Because for your information:

… the empowered daughters of Africa are keen to spot and pick their male partners, in business and relationships, based on the men’s versatility.

They identify the male, find out what he likes, learn it and adopt it into their list of interests. And when comparison and competition comes to play, the tactic is used evaluate and rule out the males in their lives.

You’ve been warned.

Sadly, you will hardly find the African boy-child going out of his way to understand the ropes of a girl’s hobbies. It’s a girl’s thing after all.

If only he could push himself as he comes of age to learn from the African girl. Especially when she operates within her culturally-defined territory. Because that, dear son of Africa, is how the girl-child sped ahead of you!

So where does this leave the boy-child empowerment narrative?

Begin by redefining culture.

Because there is more to life than adhering to culturally-defined lines and lanes. Culture is after all built by humans and should be for their benefit. But not all of culture is necessary as we grow. Some of it holds us back causing imbalance in our lives.

That has been the fate of the African boy-child.

I will however not impose on my fellow Africans to see this as important. I know, and can bet, it will soon turn into a meme. As many other important notions have.

So we can sit back and watch Africa’s empowered daughters rise, become breadwinners and get married to the empowered sons. Most of whom come from other continents. Does it really matter?

But remember, empowerment helps children lead a balanced life. And such balance is not Manna. It’s deliberately created and enforced. What Africa chooses to do about the fate of the African boy-child is in Africa’s hands. The rest of the world can only watch.